FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year I got my dream job.
I moved to the USA.
I bought my dream car and I lived in my dream flat.
I couldn’t have asked for a better flatmate.
Or better friends.
I met the love of my life.
I loved every second of my job.
My parents were so proud of me.
My work sponsored me for a more permanent visa.
This was rejected- the US government didn’t accept that my law degree made me specialist enough for my business and fashion career in America.
I had to sell my car and say goodbye to my friends.
I had to say bye to the guy I was in love with. It was too early in our relationship to really think it could transcend an ocean.
I had to leave work, and pack up all of my belongings into a few suitcases.
I had to frantically find an apartment, and exhaust my savings to move to London without a job.
I made dozens of job applications, and hastily accepted the first job I was offered.
It just isn’t the same. I don’t think i’m happy.
I have less friends.
I feel a shadow of myself.
I take less pleasure in running, eating socialising.
I drink on my own sometimes. Before now, I could never understand why people did this.
I’m only 22, but I feel stuck and trapped and pointless and meaningless and worthless.
This time last year, everything was going for me. I was so happy and excited about life.

Like, what has happened?
I’m not a moody, depressed teen.
I’m an intelligent, motivated and pleasant twenty two year old woman.
I just don’t want to worry anybody- not my family, housemates or friends- by letting them know how I really feel.
I have a few hundred followers on Tumblr. if one person, just one person, could take a moment to chat, to tell me what they think, to motivate me to smile…
I think that would mean the world to me.